I have known about mindfulness since I was a psychology student. I immediately fell in love with it and have since tried to be so in every possible way. However, in this very distracted world, it’s very hard for me to stay so. I thought the problem was the internet that I have 24/7 access to, so I set time limits on all my social apps, installing and uninstalling them several times throughout the month, only so that I would lose access altogether. Turns out, it wasn’t all true; it’s not just that social media is the problem, but my mind is also the problem.
As a very anxious person, even without social media having to show me thousands of different contents from millions of people across the globe, I have created my own ‘content’ in my mind. I have let them run all the time without realizing it, until I feel so tired that my head hurts without physically having done anything significant. As I was re-reading my CBT manual book—as any good psychologist should do to improve their quality of care—I was reminded of mindfulness all over again. Before, it was just some advice I gave to clients and a habit that I gave a try every now and then, but this time—as I realize that probably my mind is the problem—I try to use it differently.
Other than just doing a dedicated five-minute mindfulness practice, I also use it every time I have thoughts. It means a lot—a lot of thoughts. For starters, I remind myself, as a woman—so you are, if you are—that now I’m in my best phase: follicular, then ovulation. I just had two bad weeks—partly because of the luteal phase and period—and now I’m at my best. So, I have to use this time as best as I can while it lasts. Now that I’ve acknowledged that I am someone with a very sensitive-to-stressor tendency, I want to mindfully manage my attention in a way that is meaningful and efficient. So, no random bad news reading early in the morning, no letting my thoughts fly to random places, being aware every time thoughts happen, naming them, labeling them, staying with them, and seeing where they go afterwards. And every time I’m thinking about wanting to do something, I stop for a while, give myself some time to reassess the thought, and see if that’s something that I actually want to do. For example: checking Threads—as that’s the new trend now. I notice the urge, I sit with it for a while, questioning if that’s really what I want to do now. If yes, I will proceed to do it; if not, I will let other thoughts come to suggest something else more important to do. That five-second gap between thoughts and actions really signifies how well I do my day—at least for the past three days. The same applies when I notice that I’ve had too much on my mind, so I give myself more time to just sit still and literally do nothing other than watching my thoughts come and go.
I’ve known about mindfulness for more than ten years now, but implementing it in my daily life, in a way that’s suitable to my needs and my tendencies as a person, is really something else. I’ve been a very mindful person in many aspects of my life, but never have I been this mindful—embracing my anxiety and applying it every single time. When I compare what I do with what my husband does, I notice that we are very different. He’s the least anxious person I’ve ever met on this entire planet Earth, so I’ve never seen him needing mindfulness. On the contrary, he was overwhelmed and didn’t see the significance of such a complicated way of being. So, he just goes on with his day, worrying a little about this and that, doing this and that to deal with them, and being okay in no time. For so long, I believed that everyone needs mindfulness, or needs mindfulness to the degree that I need it. Turns out, someone’s need for mindfulness really depends on how easily anxious, depressed, or overwhelmed that person is. I happen to be that person, and my husband is the opposite of that. Six years of being with him have definitely taught me so much about how to be a little more carefree, but obviously not to an extent that my mind is ‘naturally’ inclined to.
So, for you, for anyone reading this, what I want to emphasize is that you have different needs. And those needs really depend on your tendencies as a person—or your personality, if you want to say it that way. I’ve been anxious my whole life, and little to almost no level of mindfulness practice would do me no good, the opposite of my husband, who’s practically encountered very few things to worry about since he was little. So, the first step is definitely to embrace who you are, what you have, what you’re more inclined to. Doing so doesn’t mean you’re saying yes to all of these unpleasant experiences of being in constant anxiety, but rather to be more skillful in implementing tools that otherwise will not be helpful if you don’t acknowledge those basic ideas, tendencies, or personality traits that make you who you are. So, be brave. Face your weaknesses—being easily anxious, for me—and rise up with tools that only you know how to use best, and you’ll have—I hope—many, many good days ahead. 🙂
Cheers,
Your psychologist
Kalista
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